He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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