I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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