So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
