he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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