yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
