Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
