Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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