I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
