There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
