I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
