im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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