i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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