The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
