that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
