I've blown a few things in my day
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
