nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This baby is an asshole
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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