i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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