I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
