I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
