theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
