girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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