I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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