Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
