It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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