Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
