If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
