I accidentally had phone sex last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
