You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
