Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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