well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love having hate sex.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
