i just google imaged poop.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize