Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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