The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
