I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
