I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
