I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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