I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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