Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
