The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize