I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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