sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
