Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize