I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize