He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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