i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
