I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
