ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
