How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Enjoy the penises
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
