My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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