I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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