Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize