Kiss
Puke
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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