turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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