franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
