i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize