I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
