No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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