i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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