Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
