I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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