I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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