if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
