i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
