My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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