it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Randomize
