the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
