You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
