"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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