He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
