as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
