Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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