How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
