so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
did i just pee glitter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
