did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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