I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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