Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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