Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
