This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
