you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
