Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
