3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
