Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ttyl tear gas
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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