Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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