your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
