Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
