I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
