I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
