I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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